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​失败者的冥想  The Meditation of A Failure

2021
Photography
The Meditation of A Failure_Qiu RuiQisss.jpg

I took a photo that failed to record the scene that the lens pointed to. So I increased the curve of the underexposed image by Photoshop. But, unfortunately, all I got is just a chaos of noise.

I printed it out, and I stood in front of the photo paper. I gazed at it. I closed my eyes. I looked down to the floor, and my eyes were avoiding the image. I got very close to it and observed the details slowly. I thought about it. I did not mind anything at the moment. I was silent. I banned my mouth from talking. I did not face the camera, which was the only channel to speak out to others while documenting the whole event.

Meanwhile, I was talking a lot. My soul! My body! At that moment! What happened? Did I know? Did I understand? Did I want it? Was it my peaceful? What is peace? Can you feel me?!

No, you cannot if I do not tell you anything. But you knew now because you saw my statement. It failed at the moment that you got a clue about it. Thus, the meditation failed. Everything is a failure, except failure, which is the only successful thing in this work. Eventually, I failed to fail. I was a failure, and only the printed picture experienced my meditation.

However, the photo that I showed is a copy of the original digital image. There is no connection between my meditation and this copy. The physical picture was unable to keep or to express any information about my meditation. Therefore, the unrelated copy just reflects the void and isolated relationships that an individual has to bear. 
 

我拍摄了一张没能记录下镜头指向的场景的照片。所以我在PS中提高这张欠曝照片的曲线,但是我只得到了混乱的噪点。

我将它打印出来,我站在这张相纸前面。我注视着它,我闭上了我的眼睛。我看向地板,我的眼睛躲避着这张照片。我接近它并且很慢慢地观察它。我思考着它。我并不在意任何事情。我是安静的。我禁止了我的嘴巴说话。我没有看向那台记录着整个事件的摄像机。它是这个过程中我可以朝他人大声坦白的唯一渠道。

同时,我说了很多。我的灵魂!我的身体!在那个时刻!发生了什么?我知道它吗?我理解它吗?我想要它吗?它是我的平和吗?什么是平和?你能感受到我吗?!

不,你不能,如果我没有告诉你任何事情的话。但是你知道了,因为你看见了我的声明。它失败在那个你得到了一条关于它的线索的时刻。因此,冥想失败了。所有事情都失败了,除了失败——这个作品里唯一成功的事情。归根结底,我失败地失败了。我是一个失败者,而只有打印出来的照片经历了我的冥想。

可是,我展示的照片是一张原始数码照片的副本。在它和我的冥想之间没有任何联系。实物的图片无法保存或者传达任何有关我冥想的信息。所以,这张毫不相关的副本恰恰反映了个体不得不承受的虚空和孤立的关系。

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